Just My Thoughts

I just wanted to do a bit of free-writing today. I’ve had so much on my mind lately, especially after my first COPD exacerbation. I’m also changing blood thinners. No more Coumadin. I’ll be starting this new drug call Xarelto. It’s a little scary because I don’t know a lot about it. I’m reading everything I can because the more I educate myself, the less apprehensive I am.
One thing I’ve been thinking about is how tired I am of being so careful about where I go, what I touch, who I am around- I’m tired of being afraid I’ll get an infection or get injured & bleed to death. Whatever happened to that old saying when a kid gets a scrape “…just rub some dirt in it, it’ll get better.”
When I was a kid, it was a good enough philosophy for me.
Nowadays, there’s superbugs, many that are antibiotic-resistant, flesh-eating bacteria (had it, don’t want to go through it again,) & a host of other bad bugs that are insidious & deadly. I’m damn near afraid to go to the grocery store, for example, because I can practically see the germs on the cart, the products, ect. Same with handling money- that stuff is loaded w/ nastiness.
In developing these fears, I’m cutting myself off from the rest of the world. This is so not cool!
So, I got to thinking that I don’t want live in fear. I’m ready to take my chances. I’m just going to ‘rub a little dirt into it,’ as they say.
I’m going to start the Xarelto & not look back. Whatever happens, happens. I have too much living to do to waste my time worrying. I’m going to focus on enjoying life. I’ll exercise good judgment, but not to the extreme.
I guess I’ve adopted this new attitude because I hate being told I can’t do something. I can! I’m defiant & will find a way.
In my case, willfulness is a good thing. It will help me do the things I wish to do, like traveling & socializing. Nothing is going to hold me back.
I spent the day with my nephew Michael & his 3 y/o daughter Mackenzie yesterday & could feel their’ positive energy, see their’ zest for life. I want that! I’ll have it too. I mean, just watch little kids playing & you see it. Kenz giggles & runs & goes until she drops…she has fun & goes for the gusto. Michael is like that too. Oh, and when he laughs, it’s infectious.
So, watch out, World! I’m back in the game! I’ve been enlightened!

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