Last night, I was dreaming about a litter of kittens being dumped off that I became responsible for their care. I wasn’t pleased because it was a cat that caused the whole infection process with me in the first place. Let’s just sayI like cats, but don’t feel the need to have one. I forgot the dream for the most part after I woke up and started my day. Just as I was about to turn on the sprinkler, I saw this tiny ball of fur hunkered up in the corner. She didn’t move when I got close, and I could tell she had been used as a play toy for one of the neighborhood cats. I scooped her up and made a nice bunny bed for her in a big cardboard box. I gave her stuff from her normal habitat, such as a pile of dried leaves to hide in, grass and clover to munch on, and I boiled water that she’ll need to drink. Most bunnies die because people give them tap water without boiling it. Bunnies have weird digestive systems. I have raised bunnies successfully before and, don’t think this time will be any different,
Daisy is almost ready to be a wild bunny on her own within a week or two. I’m pleased to see her nibbling the food I gave her. That’s always a good sign. Speaking of signs:
A moon symbol, links with fertility and rebirth. Christian symbol of vigilance, fleeing temptation
A strong moon symbol, the rabbit has ancient links with fertility and rebirth. Its alertness speed and timidity made it a Christian symbol of vigilance, fleeing temptation.
Folkloric symbol of harmless guile, appear in many stories as a trickster figure.
Rabbit is also one of the Aztec names of days.
The Rabbit animal sign in Chinese Horoscope: 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011 etc.
Artistic, thoughtful, intelligent, and lucky, the rabbit is a Yin sign. A typical rabbit often pursues a comfortable lifestyle.
Rabbits are tricksters, companions to witches and “gatekeepers” to the night and to a different type of consciousness. Rabbits symbolize fertility, mystery, fear of tragedy, long life, quick-thinking, strengthening intuition, illness and disaster. They call your mental fears to you in real life. They teach you to stop “what if” thinking. They are connected to Eostra, Holda, Andraste, Freya, Hermes, Aphrodite, Eros and Chandra.
As I am a practicing Wiccan. the symbolism is very important to me. I get signs from animals all the time, and I pay attention to them.
Daisy probably won’t be here very long. I think I’m just a stopover in her journey. My Mackenzie will be here just about the time the bunny can be released. Mack is 4 and, I think she’ll get a kick out of helping release the bunny.
Now, the turtle that visits the garage daily has a little competition for his lettuce. I’m laughing as I type this thinking about the tortoise and the hare. I guess you can say that the both won today. The dog? She just accepts that new babies show up here from time to time. She is secure in her position as primary baby of the house.
I’m safe from that puddy tat!
I’m at war with myself about this surgery. My odds are about 50/50 that I make it. I don’t think I care much for those odds, and my sister said she really doesn’t want me to have the surgery-period-nada! I will surely take her advice.
I think we’ll get a plan b started. I’m going to be having the pancreas checked to see if we are dealing with pancreatitis. Many of the symptom mimic gallbladder symptoms. The most common symptoms are :
Symptoms of chronic pancreatitis
The symptoms of chronic pancreatitis are similar to those of acute pancreatitis. Patients frequently experience constant pain in the upper abdomen that radiates to the back. In some patients, the pain may be disabling. Other symptoms may include weight loss caused by poor absorption (malabsorption) of food. This malabsorption occurs because the gland is not secreting enough enzymes to break down the food normally. Also, diabetes may develop if the insulin-producing cells of the pancreas become damaged. (http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/digestive-diseases-pancreatitis). There no guarantee that this is what is ailing me, but I’m happy the doc is going in that direction. If my doctors decide that surgery is inevitable at that point, I’ll take my chances then. Otherwise, they can keep their hands to themselves. I’ll just stick with my low fat diet and take compazine for the nausea. I’ll take the weight loss as a bonus feature. Gotta stay positive! Lol!
On other fronts, I’m currently fighting sepsis. I’m hoping the antibiotics kick in before the infection takes hold. Sometimes. my infections aren’t run of the mill and, the antibiotics don’t work. I’ve been spiking temps for 2 days now. The highest occurred at about 5 A.M. when the thermometer read 104.7 (F). Talk about tripping. Fever and dreams …wow! They do not play well together.
The antibiotic sucks too. I have this awful indigestion, despite following every instruction. I have to wait 2-3 hours after taking the little blue bullet before I can take an antacid. Already having stomach pain, this heartburn is not making things any better. I tried to eat a sandwich, but it felt like trying to pass a car through a soda straw. I’m sticking to shakes and yogurt. It isn’t worth the discomfort.
I’m not all gloom and doom, however. There is always laughter in my home. Today is no different. I was laughing earlier as I watched my 75 lb Bouvier playing with an 8 lb dachshund. The little twerp was chasing my dog, and my dog was running. Then, they’d trade places. Zoey has a tendency to catch the fleeing offender and give it a big paw to hold it in place. The little wiener dog yiped like it was being murdered. The whole thing was adorable.
I’m taking up scrap-booking. We have all kinds of pictures floating around, and I decided that now is the time to put them together in a memorable way so that when Mackenzie grows up, she will have an interesting way to view her childhood through my eyes. I’m doing just about anything positive to stay positive.
I’m doing a tarot reading for myself and, the trend follows that I should get to writing this book I’ve had in my head for years. It’s strange, but I have been getting signs left and right that are guiding me to write this book. My friend Carol Jackson even brought me her book called ‘Angel Unawares.’ This, of course, really spike my interest in writing my own book. I guess you could say it’s in the cards. I just feel like the time is right with me being home now. I don’t think I’ll ever stack up to Stephen King or J.K. Rowling, but damn it, I’m going to try! Life doesn’t have to stop because of a stupid illness.
Well, time to take the dreaded antibiotic. I think I’ll go out and water some flowers to forget about the side-effects. I hope every one of you out there has a wonderful evening.
I’m up late when I’d rather be sleeping. I’m nauseated, despite having taken compazine. I’m preoccupied with this upcoming cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal). It should be a routine operation, but for me, having 2 clotting disorders, it’s high-risk. The doc will fill me with some CO2 to better visualize the structures-this, in itself, is risky, according to my surgeon. I’m on Xarelto to thin my blood, so there is a bleeding risk. I will be hospitalized a day or 2 prior to the operation to get me off the xarelto. They’ll heparinize me, get me at the level they desire, and perform the procedure. I’ll recover for a couple days and be weaned off the heparin to go back onto the xarelto. I should be hospitalized about 5 days if all goes well.
Now, the surgeon very frankly said that he could kill me if he did this procedure. He said the Co2 alone could be a nightmare. He recommended not having surgery at all due to the clotting risks and, infection risks.
My primary doc said that leaving the gallbladder in would be riskier. If it infects, with my history, I’m toast. He said it should come out within the next 3-4 weeks. We will get the hematologist on board, and he’ll monitor me throughout the hospitalization. I will see that doc in 10 days for his preliminary exam and, discussion of game plan with the surgeon and my primary. Oh, and me. I’m very active in my care.
Having said this, that leaves the real possibility that I may not survive the procedure or subsequent infection I may acquire from the hospitalization. They will monitor me for any sign of infection very closely due to my primary immunodeficiency.
So, for now, I’ve found myself trying to make certain that I’m reconciled to the possibility that I could die. I’m scared, but not of dying. I’m scared of leaving loose ends. I want people to know they were loved and appreciated. I want my family to know how much they mean to me, especially my sister Cheri. She has stuck by me throughout thick and thin. She has helped me get where I am today. She has been my role model, my best friend, and like a mother. Because of her, I have achieved dreams. She has helped me overcome my demons. She’s always been the most constant person in my life. Together, we’ve felt the caress of a Caribbean breeze. Together, we’ve faced tragedy and triumph. Together, we’ve climbed mountains. We’ve laughed hard, played hard and, worked hard. Always together.
I love my whole family, and have been lucky to have them all in my life. My daughter has taught me what’s important, I mean truly important. She is the best part of me. I have wonderful friends that have enriched my life. I think of the fun I had going to nursing school with Kelly and Jessica,and many others. For all the strife, we helped each other get through it. There are just so many. Nic made me see why we don’t t should never eat our own young. Stephanie reminded me of me when I was younger. Tony shows me the importance of following one’s dreams. Mama Sherry has shown me acceptance, forgiveness and unrequited love. My siblings have brought great joy into my life. I’m proud of them all. A few of my brothers have taught me not to be selfish and estranged from the people that they should be closest to. I’ve felt the love of a good man. Box helped me stand on my own and work for my keep. Construction wasn’t easy, but at least it payed some bills. I’ll never forget him and will always be thankful to him. There isn’t and never will be another like him.
So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I’ve been retrospective and introspective. I’ve been creating so that there will be happy memories. I made a necklace today. I made portraits of Mackenzie that I framed to give to my sister, Michael, Mackenzie’s paw paw and to my mom Gloria. I’ve been cleaning my room and carefully choosing what stays and what goes. Momentos. In the end, that’s all this stuff will really be. Just stuff that says, “I was here.”
That’s life, a collection of pivotal moments with people that helped me become who I am today. Somehow, like a sculpture, I carved out a pretty decent life once Cheri helped me see what a decent life was really all about. I’ve learned to put others before myself-a lesson I learned from my child and, from my residents at my former job. Mistakes? I won’t dwell on them. I’ve made quite a few, but they helped me be who I am today, I will say that I didn’t learn from my first or second mistake…sometimes, I made mistakes in multiples, but work hard every day to be better than I was the day before. You live. You learn.
I don’t have a bucket list despite the thought that I might die, either from this surgery or some insidious infection, because everything just about on my bucket list costs too much money! Lol! So, I guess I won’t be going to Ireland or having lunch with Brian Williams. I won’t be partying in Amsterdam or swimming with dolphins. I will set my sights to things more immediate, like having fun with my friends on August 24th at the VFW when we host Disco Night, hanging with my dogs, feeling giddy when I’m around someone special, or getting a rush when Cheri and I go shopping and bringing home our treasures. The simple things. That’s what really matters. It’s the simple things that make me feel best. When I feel my best, I’m truly in a positive frame of mind. It’s is this positive frame of mind that is going to help me get through this surgery. However, if I don’t, I’ll go in peace. I’ve been the best person I can be. It’s just that simple.
It’s becoming somewhat difficult to remember feeling normal. I’m not feeling well most days, and will soon have my gallbladder removed.
In general, I make the best of my time. I keep my chin up & do as much as I can everyday. If I hit a wall from fatigue, I take a nap. I don’t push myself too hard &, I do whatever it takes to stay infection-free.
This past weekend, my sister Cheri & I took my great niece Mackenzie to the World Bird Sanctuary & to Lone Elk Park. It was hotter than a well digger’s ass, but we kept walking & viewing the beautiful birds. I especially love the hawks, owls & eagles. I think my sister & Mackenzie were quite taken with the peregrine falcon. Any bird that can fly 280 MPH has my vote.
We drove through Lone Elk Park after touring the bird sanctuary & saw several elk & 5 adult bison & 3 baby bison. It was a peaceful drive.
The best part of the day was being outdoors & watching Mackenzie experience something new. I completely forgot all about my illness & just had fun. I felt more normal than I have in months. It was wonderful!
It was like that again today. We went out and, did a little shopping, checked out some cars, ate lunch, stopped by my former place of employment to visit some of my residents,then came home, put away our treasures & our friend Kelley came by for a visit. It was a very positive day.
I wish I could go back & work there again. I really love my residents in the Alzheimer’s unit. I really liked that my sister came in with me & spent time visiting with the residents too.
Other highlights of the day:
8 new books
3 new tops
2 bottles of nail polish
Retail therapy is good for the soul!
I plan to wake up early to tend to our flowers- they need a good morning soaking. My moon flowers should bloom within the next 6-10 days. Always a gorgeous display!
I’m participating in a bird study too. That’s pretty exciting. I mean, I see the birds here, but I don’t really see them.
There’s just too many positive things for me to ignore. Life goes on with or without me- I’d prefer to go w/ the flow.
We’re even planning a relaxation day, Zoey- my Velcro dog will be staying in her first motel. Dogs like a change of scenery too. Cheri & I really need to decompress. A short day trip will fill the bill perfectly.
I’m just going to live like there’s no tomorrow. I’m not going to let negative thoughts bring me down & when I come to a puddle- I’m jumping smack-dab into the middle of it!
How are you enjoying your summer? Where are kid & dog friendly places that you’ve discovered?
Please feel free to comment.
I would like to share this information with everyone. This is one of our biggest fundraisers of the year and, absolutely necessary to continue supporting our veterans. If anyone would like to be a hole sponsor, cart sponsor or provide items for our live auction, please feel free to email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you!
The High Ridge VFW Memorial Post 6516 is hosting its’ 15th Annual Golf Tournament at the Sugar Creek Golf Course. Tee-Off at 8 A.M. on Sept. 21, 2013. $90.00 per person, 4 man teams. Four man scramble. Your entry fee includes drinks, burgers and dogs on the course, and a steak dinner following the tournament. The goal of the tournament is to help the VA Spinal Ward and our post. We cannot help our veterans is we aren’t here. We will also have a silent auction & many other fun activities. Hole Sponsor: $100, Beverage Cart: $250 Food Cart: $500. Any and all donations accepted. All donations are tax deductible. For more info: 636-677-1772.
Golf Tournament Chairperson: Mike Rodgers
High Ridge VFW Memorial Post 6516
2220B Gravois Road
High Ridge, Mo. 63049
I have also attached the post’s official letter for the event.
Mikki Bruce, Jr. Vice President-Ladies’ Auxiliary