Taking Those Baby Steps

I’m at war with myself about this surgery.  My odds are about 50/50 that I make it.  I don’t think I care much for those odds, and my sister said she really doesn’t want me to have the surgery-period-nada!  I will surely take her advice.

I think we’ll get a plan b started. I’m going to be having the pancreas checked to see if we are dealing with pancreatitis.  Many of the symptom mimic gallbladder symptoms.  The most common symptoms are : 

Symptoms of chronic pancreatitis

The symptoms of chronic pancreatitis are similar to those of acute pancreatitis. Patients frequently experience constant pain in the upper abdomen that radiates to the back. In some patients, the pain may be disabling. Other symptoms may include weight loss caused by poor absorption (malabsorption) of food. This malabsorption occurs because the gland is not secreting enough enzymes to break down the food normally. Also, diabetes may develop if the insulin-producing cells of the pancreas become damaged. (http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/digestive-diseases-pancreatitis).  There no guarantee that this is what is ailing me, but I’m happy the doc is going in that direction.  If my doctors decide that surgery is inevitable at that point, I’ll take my chances then. Otherwise, they can keep their hands to themselves.  I’ll just stick with my low fat diet and take compazine for the nausea. I’ll take the weight loss as a bonus feature. Gotta stay positive! Lol!

On other fronts, I’m currently fighting sepsis.  I’m hoping the antibiotics kick in before the infection takes hold. Sometimes. my infections aren’t run of the mill and, the antibiotics don’t work.  I’ve been spiking temps for 2 days now.  The highest occurred at about 5 A.M. when the thermometer read 104.7 (F).  Talk about tripping.  Fever and dreams …wow! They do not play well together.  

The antibiotic sucks too.  I have this awful indigestion, despite following every instruction.  I have to wait 2-3 hours after taking the little blue bullet before I can take an antacid. Already having stomach pain, this heartburn is not making things any better.  I tried to eat a sandwich, but it felt like trying to pass a car through a soda straw.  I’m sticking to shakes and yogurt.  It isn’t worth the discomfort. 

I’m not all gloom and doom, however.  There is always laughter in my home. Today is no different. I was laughing earlier as I watched my 75 lb Bouvier playing with an 8 lb dachshund. The little twerp was chasing my dog, and my dog was running.  Then, they’d trade places. Zoey has a tendency to catch the fleeing offender and give it a big paw to hold it in place.  The little wiener dog yiped like it was being murdered.  The whole thing was adorable.  

I’m taking up scrap-booking.  We have all kinds of pictures floating around, and I decided that now is the time to put them together in a memorable way so that when Mackenzie grows up, she will have an interesting way to view her childhood through my eyes.  I’m doing just about anything positive to stay positive.

I’m doing a tarot reading for myself and, the trend follows that I should get to writing this book I’ve had in my head for years.  It’s strange, but I have been getting signs left and right that are guiding me to write this book.  My friend Carol Jackson even brought me her book called ‘Angel Unawares.’ This, of course, really spike my interest in writing my own book. I guess you could say it’s in the cards.  I just feel like the time is right with me being home now. I don’t think I’ll ever stack up to Stephen King or J.K. Rowling, but damn it, I’m going to try!  Life doesn’t have to stop because of a stupid illness.

Well, time to take the dreaded antibiotic.  I think I’ll go out and water some flowers to forget about the side-effects. I hope every one of you out there has a wonderful evening.

I don’t want to make money, I just want to be wonderful.
Marilyn Monroe 



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