I am trying to raise funds to send my sister and caregiver on a trip to Playa del Carmen, Mexico to show her how loved and appreciated she truly is.
What a crazy weekend! First, I had Mackenzie, my four year old niece from Friday till Monday. That kid has one gear-the ‘Go’ gear. We swam, read stories on the Kindle and, at one point she hit a button that popped up and, now all the extra bells and whistles are now unlocked-for $19.95!!! She’s a sweetheart and, we did have a lot of fun this weekend.
I barbecued on Sunday. I used my brand new Weber Kettle for the first time…I loved it! My nephew, my brother-in-law, and my nephew’s friends enjoyed the juicy, tender ribs and porksteaks. Mackenzie tried a sample of everything. I did discover that she strongly dislikes potato salad. Thank goodness I made corn on the cob!
After everyone had eaten and said their’ goodbyes, I sat outside for a little while. Suddenly, my dog, a Bouvier des Flandres, started barking a real funny bark I’d never heard her do before. It was a half high pitched bark and a cry. I immediately got up and went inside to see what was the matter. At first, I saw nothing and decided to get started on the dishes. As soon as I stepped in front of the sink, I felt this little whoosh and something sat on my foot. Thankfully, I’m a calm woman, as it was Daisy, my orphaned bunny. She had flown the coop and didn’t have a clue as to where she was or what to do. As soon as she heard me, she ran for safety and, in this case, it happened to be my foot. I scooped her up and put her back into her box which I secured, and gave the dog Pupperonis for being such a good dog.
Health-wise, I’m hanging in there. My surgery is scheduled for Oct. 3. I’m sure all hell will break loose at that time because my sister works two jobs, my dogs will have their noses out of joint…and then, there’s Daisy the bunny, if she is still here. We don’t realize my role in the household until I’m not here to do it. It sucks to foist any load onto anyone, but I have no choice. Cheri will have to feed the dogs, but there more to it than just dumping food in a bowl. Bear gets a #cosequin and a multivitamin broken up in his food, plus a half a packet of Moist and Meaty, and a pain pill and, a cranberry pill wrapped in cheese. His water is changed daily too. I also water the flowers on the back deck since I’m down there.
Then, there’s Zoey who gets a small sliver of the cheese Bear’s pills are wrapped in. Then, she goes out with me to feed Bear. Sometimes, she goes potty while we’re out there. Sometimes, she doesn’t even leave the deck. That’s when I know she senses Bear isn’t in the mood to play. Once we finish with Bear, I feed Zoey and change her water. Then, we go out and water the flowers which are everywhere-the front flowerbeds, potted plants and more plants on the upper deck, After watering, we crush soda cans, wash dishes, and, these days, feed Daisy her formula and chop up carrots, apples and celery for her to graze on between feedings. Anyway, there is a lot to be done in my routine. The saddest part is that Zoey will lay at the top of the steps and mope until I come home.
The surgery must be done though. I don’t want my gallbladder to become infected and perforate. The infection would kill me. The surgery is risky because of the clotting disorders and my primary immunodeficiency, but the hematologist cut the risks with the plan he designed to get me through it more safely. The surgeon’s concern is that I’ll bleed or develop post-op clots because he’ll be touching and moving organs around which can bleed from being handled. He also showed me the arteries that could possibly be nicked and, other areas that could be perforated.
I figure that I’m in good hands and will be ok. I’ve made future plans too…so, that means I have to be around. I’ve got tickets to see #Rain-A Tribute to the Beatles at the fabulous #FoxTheater!!!! I will probably miss seeing #Three Dog Night on Oct. 5th., But I’ll survive. My nephew will get to hang out with his mom and see a great show.
Guess I better end here as I have a lot of emails to check. I’m going to take it easy today because after 4 days with Mackenzie, I’m beat. Next weekend will be a blast as I won a pair of tickets to #LouFest-30 bands, good eats and lots of fun things to do. Take care, Everyone!
Last night, I was dreaming about a litter of kittens being dumped off that I became responsible for their care. I wasn’t pleased because it was a cat that caused the whole infection process with me in the first place. Let’s just sayI like cats, but don’t feel the need to have one. I forgot the dream for the most part after I woke up and started my day. Just as I was about to turn on the sprinkler, I saw this tiny ball of fur hunkered up in the corner. She didn’t move when I got close, and I could tell she had been used as a play toy for one of the neighborhood cats. I scooped her up and made a nice bunny bed for her in a big cardboard box. I gave her stuff from her normal habitat, such as a pile of dried leaves to hide in, grass and clover to munch on, and I boiled water that she’ll need to drink. Most bunnies die because people give them tap water without boiling it. Bunnies have weird digestive systems. I have raised bunnies successfully before and, don’t think this time will be any different,
Daisy is almost ready to be a wild bunny on her own within a week or two. I’m pleased to see her nibbling the food I gave her. That’s always a good sign. Speaking of signs:
A moon symbol, links with fertility and rebirth. Christian symbol of vigilance, fleeing temptation
A strong moon symbol, the rabbit has ancient links with fertility and rebirth. Its alertness speed and timidity made it a Christian symbol of vigilance, fleeing temptation.
Folkloric symbol of harmless guile, appear in many stories as a trickster figure.
Rabbit is also one of the Aztec names of days.
The Rabbit animal sign in Chinese Horoscope: 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011 etc.
Artistic, thoughtful, intelligent, and lucky, the rabbit is a Yin sign. A typical rabbit often pursues a comfortable lifestyle.
Rabbits are tricksters, companions to witches and “gatekeepers” to the night and to a different type of consciousness. Rabbits symbolize fertility, mystery, fear of tragedy, long life, quick-thinking, strengthening intuition, illness and disaster. They call your mental fears to you in real life. They teach you to stop “what if” thinking. They are connected to Eostra, Holda, Andraste, Freya, Hermes, Aphrodite, Eros and Chandra.
As I am a practicing Wiccan. the symbolism is very important to me. I get signs from animals all the time, and I pay attention to them.
Daisy probably won’t be here very long. I think I’m just a stopover in her journey. My Mackenzie will be here just about the time the bunny can be released. Mack is 4 and, I think she’ll get a kick out of helping release the bunny.
Now, the turtle that visits the garage daily has a little competition for his lettuce. I’m laughing as I type this thinking about the tortoise and the hare. I guess you can say that the both won today. The dog? She just accepts that new babies show up here from time to time. She is secure in her position as primary baby of the house.
I’m up late when I’d rather be sleeping. I’m nauseated, despite having taken compazine. I’m preoccupied with this upcoming cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal). It should be a routine operation, but for me, having 2 clotting disorders, it’s high-risk. The doc will fill me with some CO2 to better visualize the structures-this, in itself, is risky, according to my surgeon. I’m on Xarelto to thin my blood, so there is a bleeding risk. I will be hospitalized a day or 2 prior to the operation to get me off the xarelto. They’ll heparinize me, get me at the level they desire, and perform the procedure. I’ll recover for a couple days and be weaned off the heparin to go back onto the xarelto. I should be hospitalized about 5 days if all goes well.
Now, the surgeon very frankly said that he could kill me if he did this procedure. He said the Co2 alone could be a nightmare. He recommended not having surgery at all due to the clotting risks and, infection risks.
My primary doc said that leaving the gallbladder in would be riskier. If it infects, with my history, I’m toast. He said it should come out within the next 3-4 weeks. We will get the hematologist on board, and he’ll monitor me throughout the hospitalization. I will see that doc in 10 days for his preliminary exam and, discussion of game plan with the surgeon and my primary. Oh, and me. I’m very active in my care.
Having said this, that leaves the real possibility that I may not survive the procedure or subsequent infection I may acquire from the hospitalization. They will monitor me for any sign of infection very closely due to my primary immunodeficiency.
So, for now, I’ve found myself trying to make certain that I’m reconciled to the possibility that I could die. I’m scared, but not of dying. I’m scared of leaving loose ends. I want people to know they were loved and appreciated. I want my family to know how much they mean to me, especially my sister Cheri. She has stuck by me throughout thick and thin. She has helped me get where I am today. She has been my role model, my best friend, and like a mother. Because of her, I have achieved dreams. She has helped me overcome my demons. She’s always been the most constant person in my life. Together, we’ve felt the caress of a Caribbean breeze. Together, we’ve faced tragedy and triumph. Together, we’ve climbed mountains. We’ve laughed hard, played hard and, worked hard. Always together.
I love my whole family, and have been lucky to have them all in my life. My daughter has taught me what’s important, I mean truly important. She is the best part of me. I have wonderful friends that have enriched my life. I think of the fun I had going to nursing school with Kelly and Jessica,and many others. For all the strife, we helped each other get through it. There are just so many. Nic made me see why we don’t t should never eat our own young. Stephanie reminded me of me when I was younger. Tony shows me the importance of following one’s dreams. Mama Sherry has shown me acceptance, forgiveness and unrequited love. My siblings have brought great joy into my life. I’m proud of them all. A few of my brothers have taught me not to be selfish and estranged from the people that they should be closest to. I’ve felt the love of a good man. Box helped me stand on my own and work for my keep. Construction wasn’t easy, but at least it payed some bills. I’ll never forget him and will always be thankful to him. There isn’t and never will be another like him.
So, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I’ve been retrospective and introspective. I’ve been creating so that there will be happy memories. I made a necklace today. I made portraits of Mackenzie that I framed to give to my sister, Michael, Mackenzie’s paw paw and to my mom Gloria. I’ve been cleaning my room and carefully choosing what stays and what goes. Momentos. In the end, that’s all this stuff will really be. Just stuff that says, “I was here.”
That’s life, a collection of pivotal moments with people that helped me become who I am today. Somehow, like a sculpture, I carved out a pretty decent life once Cheri helped me see what a decent life was really all about. I’ve learned to put others before myself-a lesson I learned from my child and, from my residents at my former job. Mistakes? I won’t dwell on them. I’ve made quite a few, but they helped me be who I am today, I will say that I didn’t learn from my first or second mistake…sometimes, I made mistakes in multiples, but work hard every day to be better than I was the day before. You live. You learn.
I don’t have a bucket list despite the thought that I might die, either from this surgery or some insidious infection, because everything just about on my bucket list costs too much money! Lol! So, I guess I won’t be going to Ireland or having lunch with Brian Williams. I won’t be partying in Amsterdam or swimming with dolphins. I will set my sights to things more immediate, like having fun with my friends on August 24th at the VFW when we host Disco Night, hanging with my dogs, feeling giddy when I’m around someone special, or getting a rush when Cheri and I go shopping and bringing home our treasures. The simple things. That’s what really matters. It’s the simple things that make me feel best. When I feel my best, I’m truly in a positive frame of mind. It’s is this positive frame of mind that is going to help me get through this surgery. However, if I don’t, I’ll go in peace. I’ve been the best person I can be. It’s just that simple.