Goodbye, Bear


The puppy mill owner told me he was a bit on the mean side and disliked men most of all. No amount of socializing really changed Bear’s opinion of men, but what the lady failed to tell me was that Bear also disliked women and children as well. I felt pretty lucky that he like my sister and me. I was his person. He was okay with my sister, but she couldn’t groom him or bathe him. At least she could pet him and love him. 

I have spent the past 11 months treating Bear for a nasty chronic staph infection and bladder cancer. Nothing we did could save him from the inevitable however. With me have my immune system disorder, Bear was becoming a danger to me. I contracted staph from him last April and had to have the wound that resulted incised and drained. I was also on antibiotics for a month. As Bear continued to decline and began showing resistance to every antibiotic, I knew I would have to make the awful decision to have him put to sleep. The bladder cancer was the final straw. Bear was urinating blood and thick blood clots. He was losing weight too. It was sad to see, and I wasn’t going to see him suffer.

After preparing my sister for what needed to be done, I called and set the appointment. Bear had been on painkillers which helped him a lot. In fact, he was as bouncy as a puppy and hardly seemed like a dying dog. That made it harder to take him to the vet for his euthanasia. I loaded him into the backseat and, we started off for the final journey. My sister wept softly. When we pulled into the parking lot at the vet’s, Cheri took 3 final photos of our big Bear. Then, I helped him out of the car and went inside.  I filled out the paperwork and paid for the services. Then, it was time to take him for that final walk to the exam room.  I turned him over to the vet and her tech after he was muzzled. I couldn’t stay because if Bear was true to form, he would get very upset and begin snapping and scratching. As I have to have surgery October 3rd., I couldn’t risk being bitten or scratched. I told him goodbye and petted him briefly.  The vet and the tech both gave me a comforting hug, then, I left before the waterworks started. It hurt so bad knowing he wouldn’t ever be coming home again.   I was okay with my decision though.  I was doing the right thing for my wonderful, loyal friend. We gave him the best 3 years of his life and, we showing complete kindness by letting him go so that he wouldn’t feel pain or suffer any longer. It’s part of being a responsible pet owner. 

Yesterday wasn’t awful, but both my sister and I were subdued most of the day and just tried to get lost in household tasks. It wasn’t until I went down to clean up Bear’s kennel that it really hit me that he’s gone. I swear I even heard his collar jingle once. Zoey, my female Bouvier, won’t even come down the deck stairs, so, I’m certain she knows, in that strange way animals know, that her buddy is no longer with us. Poor Bear with such a hard life, is in a better place now. I can feel good that we gave him a wonderful life. He learned to play.  He learned to do silly parlor tricks. He learned to trust. When we got him, he didn’t even know what a dog treat was. He really did make strides. 

There will never be another dog quite like Bear and, I will also treasure the time I had with him.  That this dog, who had been so abused, could learn to love and trust again amazed me. People could learn a lot from animals.  In many ways, this dog knew he had been rescued and really seemed thankful. All he wanted was to be loved and petted, have a nice dog house with thick blankets to lie upon, and a big backyard to run in, and good food and treats too. He even learned to like being groomed.  He would come home practically strutting. He knew he was a handsome boy. He touched my heart and there he will remain.  Always, my Bear.  Someday, my buddy, I’ll meet you on that Rainbow Bridge.


If Wishes Were Horses

I have 8 more days until my surgery,  Frankly, I’m a little nervous about the whole thing.  I don’t like the whole blood clotting issue. I have #FactorVLeiden and #LupusAnticoagulant.  Then, there’s the #primaryimmunodeficiency.  I’m trying to think positive.  I think that in my case, this would be a little easier to deal with if I wasn’t a nurse. In some cases, ignorance is bliss.   I know the surgeon was a little freaked out, but thankfully agreed to remove the gallbladder. The first surgeon refused and no amount of cajoling could change his mind. I think that’s what has me a little nervous. 

I’ve been thinking about my best memories a lot lately.  One that came to mind was when I was swimming in the lake with my then boyfriend and, he asked me how does one pick out a horse.  I laughed and told him that you don’t really pick out a horse.  They pick you. 

As soon as the words were spoken, out of no where, I heard a loud whinny and this horse comes running through the yard and right to the lake where he stood neighing and tossing his beautiful head. He was a gray dapple.  My boyfriend remained, swimming in place, with his mouth hanging open. I swam to the dock and went to the horse. He was very friendly.  I looked him over for a brand, a tattoo, anything to identify him, but saw nothing. I walked up to the cabin to change out of my bathing suit and into something more horse-friendly. my boyfriend started making calls to figure out who may have lost a horse. 

I had an hour of pure bliss with the stray horse before we figured out where he belonged.  He was from the neighboring farm.  He must have gotten out through the gate which someone had left open. I walked him back to the farm with my boyfriend following behind on a four-wheeler, steadily bitching about the flies flying around the horse. The horse was named Jack.  He was about 3 1/2 yrs. old.  He followed me back like an obedient pup. I got him back in the pasture and secured the gate. I rubbed his forehead a few more times and climbed onto the four-wheeler.   I could hear Jack whinnying loudly and felt bad for him.  He was just starved for attention. The lady that owned him wasn’t real nice or, I may have asked if I could come visit Jack from time to time. It would have satisfied my horse-craziness and, Jack wouldn’t be so lonely.   

Once back at the cabin, my boyfriend teasingly said, “Would a million dollars pick you like that horse just did? We could go buy a lottery ticket, if that’s how it works.”

“I wish!” I laughed.

That day was one of the nicest days ever. It had started on a positive note and ended with a star-filled sky and the call of an old hoot owl in the distance. I like days like that. I don’t need a lot of excitement to satisfy me.  I like the simple pleasures. 

I’ve never asked for much in this life.  I just want peace of mind.  I have family and friends that love me and support me. I have my dogs and this little bunny that make me smile and touch my heart. I don’t need much more than that. I just wish my surgery was guaranteed to go just right so that I can continue to appreciate the present and dream about a future.  

If wishes were horses, we’d all be riding!Image


Raising Daisy

Last night, I was dreaming about a litter of kittens being dumped off that I became responsible for their care.  I wasn’t pleased because it was a cat that caused the whole infection process with me in the first place.  Let’s just sayI like cats, but don’t feel the need to have one.  I forgot the dream for the most part after I woke up and started my day.  Just as I was about to turn on the sprinkler, I saw this tiny ball of fur hunkered up in the corner.  She didn’t move when I got close, and I could tell she had been used as a play toy for one of the neighborhood cats.  I scooped her up and made a nice bunny bed for her in a big cardboard box.  I gave her stuff from her normal habitat, such as a pile of dried leaves to hide in, grass and clover to munch on, and I boiled water that she’ll need to drink.  Most bunnies die because people give them tap water without boiling it. Bunnies have weird digestive systems.  I have raised bunnies successfully before and, don’t think this time will be any different,

Daisy is almost ready to be a wild bunny on her own within a week or two. I’m pleased to see her nibbling the food I gave her. That’s always a good sign. Speaking of signs:

A moon symbol, links with fertility and rebirth. Christian symbol of vigilance, fleeing temptation


A strong moon symbol, the rabbit has ancient links with fertility and rebirth. Its alertness speed and timidity made it a Christian symbol of vigilance, fleeing temptation.


Folkloric symbol of harmless guile, appear in many stories as a trickster figure.


Rabbit is also one of the Aztec names of days.


The Rabbit animal sign in Chinese Horoscope: 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999, 2011 etc.

Artistic, thoughtful, intelligent, and lucky, the rabbit is a Yin sign. A typical rabbit often pursues a comfortable lifestyle.

Rabbits are tricksters, companions to witches and “gatekeepers” to the night and to a different type of consciousness. Rabbits symbolize fertility, mystery, fear of tragedy, long life, quick-thinking, strengthening intuition, illness and disaster. They call your mental fears to you in real life. They teach you to stop “what if” thinking. They are connected to Eostra, Holda, Andraste, Freya, Hermes, Aphrodite, Eros and Chandra.

As I am a practicing Wiccan. the symbolism is very important to me.  I get signs from animals all the time, and I pay attention to them.  

Daisy probably won’t be here very long.  I think I’m just a stopover in her journey. My Mackenzie will be here just about the time the bunny can be released.  Mack is 4 and, I think she’ll get a kick out of helping release the bunny.  

Now, the turtle that visits the garage daily has a little competition for his lettuce.  I’m laughing as I type this thinking about the tortoise and the hare.  I guess you can say that the both won today.  The dog? She just accepts that new babies show up here from time to time.  She is secure in her position as primary baby of the house.

Well, for now, I have to get back to a tarot reading I’m doing for someone. I hope everyone has a great day and, at least, one good laugh. It really is the best medicine.Image